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This weekend has been AMAZING.

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x-posted to my own lj.

EDIT: This entry was originally written for my lj, and seeing as I wrote it at a ridiculous hour in the morning, I didn't feel like editing all the non-lol parts out of it. Also, this place is dry as a bone and needed some kind of content. You don't like it? Tough. Don't go leaving stupid anonymous comments. I'm the creator and moderator of this community and can therefore post what the fuck I want. Cunt.

Anyhow, I love the rest of you.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: The Unicorns--"Jellybones"
05 April 2007 @ 04:47 pm
So I was over at my friend Carole's house the ither day, and we got into one of those play-bickering battles.  I pretty much owned her, and in a stuttering desperation she says,

"Oh yeah?  Well, how many sheep did it take to kill that thing?!"

She was referring to my ZEBRA bandana.

I ROLF'd pretty hard.
17 October 2006 @ 02:53 pm
Ok, this is not my story, sadly. But it is a story of such unsurpassable grace that it HAS to be told!

It's a story about a boy, a boy named Matt. Matt is just about one of the funnest, happiest, most charming people you could ever meet in a lifetime. He used to work at a burger chain called Red Robin and he was so good at serving people he would go in when he wasn't scheduled, work for 2 hours and come back with 100 bucks just from tips. People would get irritated because he made so much in tips.

So one day Matt is serving a group of eight. You know, the whole family going out for a nice dinner or whatever. Everyone's laughing having a good time, and Matt is of course using his wiley charms and making them love him, which is a pretty easy task for this guy. Then, catastrophe. He's coming to their table with the big tray loaded with people's food. Apparently someone had left one of their slippery laminated menus on the ground, and as he walked over it, he began to fall backwards. Food and soda go all over the place, and to top it off he is no more then 3 feet away from his table! But don't worry folks, Matt is not one to be beaten by such a small error! As he stands up, he has something nestled in his arm. He walks over to the table and begins to explain.

"Don't worry, everything is fine. I had to sacrifice EVERYTHING, but I was able to save this chicken sandwhich. So, who's the lucky one with the chicken sandwhich?"

Cue the entire table into loving laughter, and then giving him a $75 tip.
11 October 2006 @ 02:19 pm
So, as I decided I was going to make lunch today, I shut the door to my dorm room behind me, locking it. And I didn't have my keys with me. I was going to freak out, but lucky me, I left my window open. I had two of my suitemates come with me to help me break into my room, just in case I needed help, and because they had keys to get back into the apartment. Just as I have a leg through my window, the door next to my window opens and out walks our CSA (older studend, semi-in charge of us), with a stunned look on his face. He asked me what I thought I was doing, and me and my suitemates quickly tried to explain that I'd locked myself out. He told me I should call police services, but they don't open the door unless you have id on you, which I didn't, and I was almost there anyway. I looked at them again, and quickly hopped in my room and shut my window. I did laugh pretty hard after though. It was probably funnier if you were there though.
Current Location: compuuuuter
Current Music: Jack Johnson - Better Together
06 October 2006 @ 04:32 pm
I uh...I thought this apt for the community:

Current Location: home
Current Mood: scaredomg wtf
Current Music: REM--"Losing My Religion"
01 October 2006 @ 10:58 pm
This weekend my boyfriend and I went camping near the coast, a little north of Jenner, if anyone knows where that is. Everything was all nice and peaceful until we were settling down to sleep. We heard vicious wildcat hunting/killing sounds and squeaking sounds of its unfortunate prey (probably a bunny). We also heard it making some sounds on/near our table. When we didn't hear it for a while, we decided it'd be safer to go sleep in the car. In the morning, we looked at the table and the mountain lion (I assume) ate all four of our muffins, took our chocolate bar that was in a ziplock bag, and took our box of graham crackers. It also batted around our apple juice and cooler. This stuff wasn't sitting out in the open, it was in a food locker that the campsite provided, so that was one smart kitty. So in conclusion, it sucks when a mountain lion eats your breakfast.
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: The Specials - Gangsters
26 September 2006 @ 10:11 pm
Ooook, well I thought this was pretty funny. Recently my cousin got married over the summer. So, when people get married they get gifts right? Well, up until today I was not sure what our families gift to them would be..I guess my mom let my dad pick the gift since it's his nephew and all....Well, now I know that no marriage is complete without a specially made Heinz ketchup bottle.....Yes, he got them a freaking ketchup bottle...Upon seeing it, I just stared speechless and my dad says "Isn't that cool? You want one too?!". You gotta love 'em.
Current Mood: boredbored
25 September 2006 @ 09:32 pm
Alright, so I recently got these new PJ pants that I am in love with. Being the freak that I am, I got the largest size possible so they could be baggy and really comfy, not realizing that the drawstring is huge. Not wanting to have this huge drawsting hanging down, I just tied it pretty loosely around my waist and didn't think twice of it.

As I was sitting at my computer, I had a sudden craving for ice cream. Not to be one to turn down the thought of something such as the raspberry sorbet waiting for me in the freezer, I jumped out of my computer chair to get to the freezer as quickly as I could. While the baggyness of my PJ pants is generally isn't in the way, I managed to catch both of my feet in the pants and bring myself to a crashing halt on the floor. Not getting the hint to stop, I continued on my quest for the ice cream by skipping down the hallway to the kitchen. My mother saw me fly past her and waved me down so that she could talk to me. At this point in time, my pants decide to just suddenly drop right there. I am stuck standing in the middle of the hallway talking to my mother with my pants down at my feet for about three minutes before scooting down to get my pants and then running to get my ice cream.
25 September 2006 @ 05:48 pm
This might be one of those stories that aren't as funny if you weren't there, but I'll tell it anyways in hopes of getting a chuckle or two. ^_^;

A bunch of friends of mine, all of us co-workers, went out to eat at the 99 after work. Because there was a bunch of us (6 or 7) we got seated in a little area that was slightly closed off from the rest of the restraunt. Of course, most of the patrons at that time of night were seated at the bar, so we wouldn't really have been bothering families anyways, but that's beside the point.

We were all having a good time, those of whom were old enough ordered drinks and those of us who weren't certainly acted drunker than those who drank. One of these friends was a particularly funny guy, a writer, an English major, an actor and a singer... quite the personality on this guy. He kept telling jokes, I swear he could do stand-up and freestyle, he's great at getting one topic to lead into the next.

We had nachos and as he was going on in some joke I had snagged a few but he had me so enraptured with his story that I was holding it for several minutes when, finally, the melted cheese wore down the chip enough and it broke and fell onto my plate.

"YOU DROPPED THE CHIP!!!" my friend then exclaimed, repeatedly, saying "You sorry excuse for a human, how could you?! You DROPPED it!! You DROPPED THE CHIP!!" and this went on for a good 10 minutes, me unable to breathe and my then-girlfriend laughed so hard she toppled the chair over while holding her soda.

BUT! She managed to not spill any! ...And then the teasing was turned to her, but not for long before he started ragging on me for dropping the chip again.

Then one of the others came back from the bathroom and just looked at us like we were all mad.

It was very, VERY funny. ^_^ ...at least, if you were there it was. ^_^
24 September 2006 @ 09:10 am
So, yesterday Dick and I made a voyage out to Berkeley to have "the world's best pizza". We met up with my girlfriend Tawny in Berkeley and had a pretty good time. We finish our pizza and try to plan out our next move. We decided to go to Modesto... WTF!?!? How in the world do we go to the Bay Area only to make plans to go back to Modesto?

Yeah, we're basically really lame, but we had a lot of fun anyways, so it doesn't really matter.